So I’m starting to figure out some of the issues I have going on.

I have really big commitment issues. Like, even with friends.

I’ve been screwed over before. My best friend chose drugs over my happiness. She used me for ride, and we got to the point when we never hung out any more.

She’s just make me feel like crap all the time, and eventually, I decided to start distancing myself from her. I figured, it’d be easier to do that than to fight with her.

But she caught on, and realized what was happening. When I tried to explain to her, she freaked out and called me a liar. Told me that she couldn’t be friends with someone who lied about. 

I put up with a lot from her. Defended her when people talked badly about her, drove her where ever she wanted, allowed her to lie to me even when I knew the truth. And then she pulled that. I was in high school still, and I just started sobbing in the middle of Chemistry. We didn’t start talking until this fall. 

That situation, there’s more too it, kind of messed me up. Like, I have issues trusting anyone, and have issues getting close to people now because of it.

With the whole boy situation, I’ve never really been in a relationship, but I’ve been screwed over by boys too.

And that sucked in a different way, because he was the boy who helped me get through a lot of my mental issues, and helped me to stop self harm. But then one day he decided to walk away.

So now when I notice myself getting closer with a boy I like, I begin panicking and pull myself away.

What’s wrong with me? Why did these things mess me up so badly that I can function like a normal person anymore?

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