February 2012
5 posts
BROOKE.
We need to have a Denny’s night soon.
I’m in love with one of my best friends.
YUP.
My life is text book teenager.
Gah.
I get picked on at work a lot because I have a crush on one of my best friends.
I get told, “Just tell him.” “You’re missing out on something great.” “He likes you back, you just can’t see it.”
But what people don’t get is, he DOESN’T feel that way about me. Which is why I’ve been trying to keep it hidden for the last, you know,...
I do have one person I talk to about everything with. And I do mean just about every insignificant detail. This person helps me analyze myself. Helps me see who I am from someone else’s eyes, but also gives advice and helps guide me to the right decision. It’s not even normal, me doing that. My incapability to express myself doesn’t really matter with them, because they can...
I don't even know how I feel anymore.
I can’t tell if I’m actually getting over you, or if I’m putting that wall back up to avoid getting hurt.
But today was fun, I just wish I could stop feeling so awkward around you and just not worry about I say around you.
Oh well. I did chill and act like myself again after a while.
January 2012
3 posts
Yup.
Conversation I had today, summed up.
M: “What’s the point in liking someone who will never like me back?”
J: “Why do you think he won’t like you back?”
M: “Well…uhm…he won’t.”
J: “Why?”
M: “Because all the other girls he’s surrounded with are uhm…”
J: “You’re gonna say...
December 2011
3 posts
So.
Alone in my house.
I felt like drinking.
Went to find something.
Turns out parents packed all of it and its either in a box or in Georgia right now.
Probably for the best.
In depressive mood.
Shouldn’t be drinking.
Funny though, seeing as its the ONLY time I’ve had the compulsion to do that.
Ha.
Had it explained to me in VERY clear terms today that he’s not into me.
Wow.
Uhm.
That’s good though.
Uhm.
Gonna try to sleep now.
While me brain fights with itself.
Yep.
Falling for one of your best friends?
Probably not the best move I’ve made.
CRAP.
I’ve been threw this with the same stupid boy so many times.
I’ve got to stop it before it starts again.
So tired of nothing ever coming of it.
Let’s just stay friends.
We’re happy and fun and its awesome.
Not going to let my brain ruin this again.
November 2011
2 posts
Everyone tells me
that I’ll find love.
That some guy will come by and sweep my off my feet.
That I’m too awesome to be alone forever.
But, seriously.
I’ve NEVER had a boyfriend.
There’s no one around that wants me.
My life blows.
I know I don’t need a boy to be happy.
But it’d be nice to have someone by my side.
:/
Why should you control everything?
You tell him what to do.
You are so demanding.
You’re rude to me.
Selfish.
I don’t understand.
Why does he want to be with you?
You aren’t right for him.
You aren’t.
I wish you’d just leave him alone.
You’re changing him, but its not for the best.
Now he’s leaving us. Moving hundreds of miles away.
This is ridiculous.
August 2011
6 posts
Yeah. I sort of saw it coming. He just doesn’t really get along with most people and they’ve all known him for a long time, so they don’t really respect him as a manager. I think he suspects because I did something kind of stupid yesterday because I really didn’t want him to leave because it will be the last time I see him for a while. I asked him where something was, even...
I think he knows.
And I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing.
Ugh.
He’s just so adorable.
That awkward moment when
you don’t want to admit you like one of your coworkers/managers and then you get told he’s switching stores and you want to die.
And he looked like he was going to cry as well.
It’s so sad.
I don’t want him to leave. ):
)’:
You are so wrong for me.
You tend to be rude, cranky, and a little egotistical. You’re into working out, and trying to be all thug and buff. You’re into rap music and you have a bit of an anger problem. You drink protein shakes instead of eating breakfast. You’re touchy, and have a hard time taking jokes sometimes. You’re really into your appearance. You confuse the crap out of me.
But the way you...
I don't know if I communicated how pissed I am...
But honestly. I defended the crap out of you. Even though I saw you failing on Friday.
Even though you SCREWED ME OVER on Friday. You let me have an anxiety attack, and wouldn’t help me through the front counter even though it was my first time up there and I’ve never been trained on it.
I told our boss that you and I worked well together. That there weren’t any problems. That...
I won't admit it.
I can’t admit it.
But I fear that I’m starting to fall for you.
And I shouldn’t.
Because you’re not exactly what I’d call a decent guy.
You’re too competitive.
You have anger problems.
You’re too much of a ‘macho’ guy.
You’ll never really be into me.
And you’re still hung up on her.
But you’re cute. And you’re...
July 2011
4 posts
That awkward moment when all you do at work is argue about music with the cutest boy there.
And he’s super annoying.
And you let him be annoying because you’re too nice to say anything, and because he’s cute.
But yesterday was a different story. Seeing as I was cranky, and he was irritating me.
Eventually he decided to be nice and try to cheer me up. Which was all in good...
I DON'T CARE.
About anything you have to say. Stop telling me stories that I don’t care about.
He means nothing to me, and neither does your relationship.
Honestly, all it’s done is made my life worse anyway.
So stop.
I really just don’t care.
3 tags
Why can't I have you?
Why must you be in love with someone else?
Why?
Why can’t you see that I’m stand here waiting, and she isn’t even paying any attention to you?
4 tags
I find myself hiding more and more from people.
Why am I moving backwards instead of forwards?
):
June 2011
6 posts
11 tags
Apparently me being a virgin makes me a prize?
I don’t understand…
But whatever.
I plan to stay that way until I’m married.
I don’t care if the rest of you guys shun religious people, its part of who I am.
That awkward moment when
your brother gets in a fight with his wife, storms off early in the day, and hasn’t returned yet.
Its been almost 12 hours…
This is not good. Not good at all.
Edit—-
He wandered back home a bit ago.
Sometimes I'd like you to just listen.
Instead of trying to fix everything.
Stop making the effing seem like its my fault.
Stop.
Because right now I’m about to snap, and I can’t deal with you of all people acting like I did something wrong and talking down to me.
I can’t.
Its not my fault that my counselors don’t help and don’t care about my schooling.
I can’t force them to care.
I just...
4 tags
Is it really necessary to be a jerk about almost...
Okay, you could at least be sly about it.
I’m sorry if I’m not so effing versed in everything on the internet because I actually do things with my time instead of sitting on the computer all day and researching every bit of pop culture and current news.
I’m sorry if I thought something was cute and reblogged it.
I’m sorry if my blog isn’t up to your effing quality...
So it makes me a bad sister when...
I don’t invite my sister to a Paul McCartney concert even though she has no interest in it what so ever?
Thanks dad.
She didn’t go to a free sum 41 concert a few months ago without me or anything.
Even though I was free that night and really wanted to go.
I didn’t cry because of how much my sister neglected to care at all about my feelings that day or anything.
Yeah,...
I don't get
why people run to me when they have problems, but are gone once things calm down or the problems get solved.
I mean really, what is up with that?
I feel pretty lame if I’m only good for a shoulder for someone to cry on.
May 2011
16 posts
Every time I talk to you,
I realize how well we get along.
And how much I want to be with you.
If only my life wasn’t a mess and you weren’t so oblivious to my obvious flirting.
I’d probably risk it to be with you, honestly.
Even if your family thinks you’re going nowhere, I see you going so far in life.
I really do.
You have so much potential, you just have to notice it.
That awkward moment when
one of your guy best friends guesses one of your turn ons without realizing it and all you can do is stare at him before snapping out of it and acting like what he said wasn’t true.
:|
I've always been far too afraid of rejection.
Sometimes I forget that I'll always be second...
Is it weird that since I've gotten a job,
I’ve had a more optimistic out look on life?
I think its really based on the fact that I actually have something to do now, instead of sitting at home every day by myself being depressed and stuff.
Oh well.
and I miss you more than I could ever explain.
But you’ll never know.
I could never tell you.
Because you never gave me a chance to show you what I’m worth.
But have fun with her.
I hope you have a fantastic life with her.
Seriously.
2 tags
3 tags
Why even when I hang out with people,
do I still feel incredibly alone?
I don’t understand this anymore.
3 tags
Is it sad that when I first heard
the lyric: “You’re going to catch a cold from the ice inside your soul” the first person I thought of was my sister? I mean, at the time I was really mad at her for something, and generally I’m always angry with her for something.
But I still find it kind of sad that she was the first one to pop into my brain.
That awkward moment when the person who you help manage a blog with reblogs you and you realize you should have probably posted on that blog instead.
Did that make any sense at all?
So,
every time I talk to my sisters boyfriend, I feel a little bit smarter.
He makes me take a stand on something, and defend it.
And though I absolutely dislike arguing, I learn a little about myself every time I talk to him.
I realize how much I really care about something. Or how much I need to study up on something.
We started talking about the beatles, and moved on to how different people...
Boredom is my least favorite emotion.
It leads to me feeling lonely.
And then I think, really, who is there?
I mean, I’ve got a few people around to talk to.
But mainly, its just me.
I’m alone.
No one to run to.
No boy to call my own.
I know, being angsty and annoying is stupid.
But really, why am I still alone?
I’ve been told I’m funny, smart, and I’d be a great catch for a boy.
Yet,...
I can't.
I can’t explain how I feel right now.
I’m not exactly sad, angry, upset, happy, or anything.
I look around and feel useless.
What do I do during my days to help someone?
When is the last time I did something productive?
I miss being involved in something besides my family.
I miss clubs, and every day hang outs.
I miss having people around.
:/
I'm not the kind of girl
that talks about everything she thinks about.
I don’t usually share when I like someone.
I don’t like talking about the boys I like with people.
I don’t talk obsessively about myself and my problems.
I don’t like it when the attention is on me and my thoughts.
I prefer to help other people with their problems.
I like to be the listening ear.
And I hate it when people...
That awkwardly sad and pathetic moment when you...
Yeah. Pretty much how I’m feeling.
And I’m awfully lonely right now.
I'm realizing just how self centered my sister is...
Every time I try to tell her about something that makes me happy, or something about my day, she hardly listens.
She immediately changes the subject to her. Her job. Her boyfriend.
And she’s always been that way.
But before, I didn’t care because I really had nothing to say.
And I had other people to talk to on a daily basis about things.
But now that I don’t see my friends...
April 2011
15 posts
So I’m starting to figure out some of the issues I have going on.
I have really big commitment issues. Like, even with friends.
I’ve been screwed over before. My best friend chose drugs over my happiness. She used me for ride, and we got to the point when we never hung out any more.
She’s just make me feel like crap all the time, and eventually, I decided to start distancing...
So
trying to blog on 4 separate tumblrs at once is a bad idea. and I keep posting things to mine that aren’t supposed to go there! D:
and even though the pieces are all there,
my heart isn’t quite right.
I don’t know what is wrong, and I probably never will.
But there is something wrong.
My mentality doesn’t agree with me.
My heart hurts when it shouldn’t.
It finds things to poke and prod me with day and night.
Though I do find times of pure, unadulterated, happiness and love, I soon find myself buried under insecurities and depressed...
You know what sucks,
is that no one really cared at all about me getting a job today.
At least no one in my family.
I was super excited, and I expected them to be as well.
But nope.
No one cared.
Every time I brought it up, Steph would just complain about her job.
Or they’d start talking about something else.
Its like, after an entire year of searching for a job, and my parents pestering me about not...